saying "I'm sorry"

I have noticed lately that Annie says "I'm sorry" a lot most of the time

for things she shouldn't be sorry for. If she wants milk in the morning

and then asks for sprite she'll say "sorry mommy for asking you again"

two things come to my mind

1) I pretty sure she wishes she could do these things herself

so it cracks my heart a little bit for her

2) Do I make her feel like she needs to apologize?

I've been super conscience about being upbeat and positive

when she asks for things she needs...

Of course there are things she's going to need help with and I

try to stay as positive as possible (I do get tired)

BUT then there are times she does things like fighting me

to take her medicine ~ not listening and she says

"I'm sorry mommy"

but I don't think that she is because if you were truly sorry

you would stop fighting and adding frustrations to daily routines...

And then I had that "AHA" moment

it was around 4 o'clock in the afternoon and Annie and I were

resting which means I try to take a few minutes of silence

between the 4 loads of laundry, loading the dishwasher, starting dinner, refilling her script, making her take her medicines, playing and keeping up with Annie...

and then "IT" happened she wanted a snack, the dog was sitting on my head,

 Priss was talking NONSTOP and I finally said

"can I just get FIVE minutes of quiet please?"

I have just spent the last 6 hours doing crap I don't even like to do

so can I please please please just have a minute...

UGH - I of course immediately apologized and told her how much I love

her and mommy was just exhausted (i had been sick last night)

that I shouldn't be upset and some days it's just hard to do everything..

Yea - I'm pretty sure I've had THAT conversation with her a few times

in the last weeks...I tell her how sorry I am and I will be damned if 

I don't do it AGAIN... So I'm going to take her's as sincere as mine

and love her little heart and try to smile through it!

Just because you say sorry - it doesn't mean you aren't going to

do it again but it does mean that you realize you've done it

and that folks is sometimes more than enough for the day!!

So Annie - I am sorry - I try to be perfect but there are no perfect people

so I'm gonna forgive you every time you say sorry and hope you can do the same!!

I love you - my favorite person in the world!!!

 

Bouncing Birthday Fun!!!

Annie had been talking about how much
she loves birthday parties with her friends

we used to have huge parties but
haven't had the space for a party until now..

 

 

I already had the perfect invitation at home

because really what's better than a

bouncy castle and polka dots??

 

 

 

Thankfully the bounce castle people wanted

to set it up Friday and not pick it up until Sunday!

 That's a whole lotta bouncing!

I don't know why the production is so much fun
for me - I think I am a party addict and have
been in some serious withdrawls...

 

Did I mention the bouncy castle happened

to be a birthday cake??

 

OMG - LOVE

I totally wanted to keep it forever!!

 

 

Nothing like a little preparty fun..

 

 

look at that sweet happy face..

I don't think we'll ever miss a party again

safe and sound inside
mommy tried to help her in and we BOTH
bounced right off and onto the ground
thank goodness I padded her fall.

.....LOVE....

 

Charlotte needed to check it out

just to make sure it was safe for sissy

 

please please please can I get in too??

 

boing - boing - boing

 

 

there's nothing to say about this

 

Olivia...

 

cotton candy in the bounce castle...

of course - it's a party!

 

if only I had a dollar for everytime I heard

"take my picture" those are some camera hams

 

 

 

awww...Annie and Christian

his mom, Susan and I are convinced

they're gonna get married

they are just. too. precious

 

what goes better with a jump castle than

cotton candy and popcorn??

 

Cole wins quote of the day...

he walked in - looked at the table and said

"it's just like the fair but FREE"

hahahahahahahaha

 

 

seriously he asked for another picture

and who am I to say no to a cute face??

 

Nana and Grannie

 

 

 

PIZZA - PIZZA

(I think they were already full of junk)

 

4 dozen mini cupcakes delivered to the front door

 

by Cupcake Aunt KK's shop!

 

 

the girls together again...

I have missed their faces!

the birthday girl...

 

the best way to eat a cupcake - frosting first!

 

 

 

 

Annie and Olivia decided they needed a rest

lol - that didn't last very long!

 

 All bounced out and ready for presents

 

PUPPY - I love PUPPIES!!

 

seriously, cabbage patch fairy doll from Christian

he picked it out all by himself

(well of course his mom drove him)

 

Abby - my gorgeous little comedian

 

 

me and the birthday girl

 

My 9 year old priss pot

 

I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you

you are my favorite person in the world!!

 

the party was wonderful - all the giggles and chatting

the bouncing smiley faces - eating cotton candy

it's my favorite sound in the world

Annie was so excited to have all of her priends there

it was a day filled with our favorite people evah!

 

our cup runneth over - we are blessed beyond measure!

 

Happy 9th Birthday Annabelle Louise!!

 

 

 

 

Facing Mortality as the Mother of an Only Child with Special Needs

4 months from today I will turn 40

It's not a number I am afraid of or a milestone I don't want to hit.
There will be a celebration but with the excitement came a huge reality.

I'm going to be 40...my mom is 61...the people I have as my
"omg in case something happens to me you get Annabelle"
ARE ALL MY AGE... WHAT NOW????

When you begin the adoption process it's for several reasons - you don't want to be an "older" parent - my dad died when I was 26 (he was 70) -  you are not married - * you want a little girl for sure 'cause bows and smocked make more sense*

I am hopeful but at this very moment I do not think Annabelle will ever be capable of  living alone. She will always need some sort of assistance. I never really thought she would be an only child either - my plans were always to adopt again at least once but with 2 additional adoptions falling through it just never happened...So what now?

Where do only children with special needs go when they are alone? I'm not anticipating this to happen for quite sometime but - it's a terrifying - devastating thought that quite frankly has had me in tears and on valium for the last week - I've googled questions looking for answers and found nothing - Is my only option some sort of long term care facility where she'll live out the remainder of her precious life in a room and at the mercy of others? How do you march on with that thought constantly in the back of your mind?

Is there any true preparation for something like this?  

Stay Calm

and 

Psalms 18:32 on

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

Can y'all believe ANOTHER year has come and gone?

I don't know how time flies and yet seems to stand still at the same time...

This year was crazy, fun, hard, ever changing and we celebrated every bit of it!

I thought MY Christmases were a big deal in my day but let me tell you these kids aren't asking for a plastic tea party set, a cabbage patch kid (although i really wish they would)

or please, please can i have one of those cute phones in my room???

Not these kiddos ~ Christmas 2012

Trampoline - Paintball Mask - Helmet Camera

Ridie Toy - Halo 4 - Nike Sweatshirt 

but the SMILES on their faces were worth every toe of my own I have to paint all year!

 

I think this is my favorite tree of all times!

It was beautiful (thanks to my mom and her mad decorating skills)

and loaded with perfectly picked presents 

(they gave me a list)

but my favorite thing about this tree is all the love and laughs that surrounded it..

get ready for company...yes, I ironed the comforter - hahaha

 

boys, boys and more boys

 

(that's my sweater - not my belly ;)

then it was off to the 2nd Christmas celebration

Annual Family Dinner at The Hilleshiem's

good food ~ great fun ~ lots of drinks ~ cute babies!

It is one of my favorite things about Christmas!!

 Annie scored a soft puppy that looks just like Charlotte

and Mary Cole is wearing the cutest shirt my mom made!

 

She's saying "thank you Nonnie" for her puppy!

Legos from GrandDennis

 

Puppy from Nana and Pops

 

Indoor trampoline - JUMP JuMp jUmP!

 Priss LOVES a puppy!!

be still my heart...

I think it's gonna get lots of use!

 the cayutest face and her 9a.m. candy necklace!

Wrap it up and put a bow on it!

Ridie Toy - she said " I have been missing dis toy foreber"

Mary Cole got this for her birthday so Annabelle has been NEEDING it!

Puppies, Ridie Toy, Talking Doll, Art Easel, Legos, Trampoline

Twins with Bunk Bed, Baby Doll Carriers

I think someone had a VERY good Christmas!!

 

Let the gift ripping begin

can you tell who got the mask and who got Halo 4?

(notice xbox controller in hand)

 he's so cool - til he gets hit by a paintball

 

no words are needed for this one 

I am pretending that is just a black zip up

if i see no gamecock it makes it not one

 

someone found the distortion button on my camera

and then it was over....

so MERRY CHRISTMAS from our house to yours!!

May you have a happy, healthy and prosperous new year!

(i tried to scan the Christmas card which didn't work so here's the picture we used)